How to Love Doing Hard Things

And get the treasure that is waiting on the other side of them for you.

Colton Swabb

Jun 01, 2023

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Now on to your day and today’s lesson.

Swallowing tough pills, lifting heavy objects, and loving hard things…

Is it better to want life to be easy?

Or to become the kind of person who loves doing hard things?

Let’s explore this idea and your potential.

Learning to Love Hard Things

I like people who love to do hard things.

They’re the most fun.

You can meet them at the gym, workplaces, or events—putting themselves out there beyond their comfort zones.

They submerge themselves in ice, scorch in the sauna, and actively pursue their fears for growth.

And they have personalities that reflect what they put themselves through.

But they weren't born that gritty.

They learned to love doing hard things.

Because they know what they stand to gain from them.

As well as what they can lose in an easy life.

I know most people reading this don't love to do hard things.

After all, who should?

Isn’t that masochistic?

Sometimes, yeah.

But what comes before your reason for doing a hard thing…

Is the difference between what makes something hard, or easy, for you.

And that’s where you can find the wisdom behind becoming the kind of person that gets stronger the more you take on.

The difference, is in what makes it your challenge and not someone else’s.

But first a question,

"Would you rather be addicted to doing difficult things,

or have everything be easy all the time?"

If you found a genie and we could really make it happen…

Would you rather everything in your life be push-button easy?

Or would you rather have a brain that actually enjoys doing hard things?

A brain that actually likes exercising or being uncomfortable?

Is it a bad day if you love the rain?

This is something I think about all the time.

Am I pursuing the wrong goal?

Should I be seeking how to minimize a workout and get the most out of it in the least time?

Or should I be maximizing my enjoyment of my workout?

Should I practice in perfect conditions?

Or learn to love all conditions?

Should I change my reality, or change myself?

There are hundreds of variations of this.

And after some extensive thought, my philosophy has become this:

If you do hard things, everything else gets easier.

So, learn how to enjoy doing hard things and you’ll get what you want.

But if you avoid doing hard things, you’ll miss out on doing the things that you can benefit from the most.

The Difference Between Hard and Easy

What’s hard and easy for you is different than what is hard for me.

Some people don’t find going to the gym hard or eating healthy.

But they struggle with math or objective thinking, or money, or whatever.

Creative people struggle with structure, people who crave structure struggle with creativity.

The world is an enormous hodgepodge and people are about as different as they can be while still being the same species.

When we talk about something being hard or easy that is the most subjective thing in the universe.

Because the same thing that’s hard for you, isn’t going to be for others.

And vice versa.

It’s hard, for you, because you have resistance there.

And you have resistance there because you’re creating it.

Let’s double-click on that…

The Resistance You Create

The resistance that you have to push through that makes something feel difficult or not, for you, comes from your identity.

Who you think you are.

Not just as a concept, but as a person.

And what your answer to that means about who you can be for others, what you can do, how well you can do it, and in general where you fit into the world.

There’s no right answer to that.

And no one is going to tell you what the answer is for you.

And if they do… question how they know who you are.

But you'll have plenty of time to come up with an answer and most people change theirs every ten years.

Just know this: whatever you choose will limit you.

And most people are living within limits they don’t remember setting.

“I’m not good at math.”

“I’m bad at public speaking.”

“I’m not good with money.”

That’s a story that you create and with that comes the resistance you feel when it comes to doing hard things.

So that’s where ‘difficulty’ comes from.

But then there’s your response to it.

And that’s what really matters.

Your Response to Challenges

You will never get rid of all difficulty and resistance in life.

You can’t optimize all the sharp edges out of life and make it a safe, round ball to play with.

At best, with a lot of self-work and guidance, you can re-allocate your challenges and design the kind of life you want to have that way.

Choosing your challenges, and consciously directing your growth that way.

But even then you can’t control what challenges show up.

The only thing you always can control is your response to challenges.

And that will come down to whether you love doing hard things or not.

So, do you avert your gaze and deny it?

Do you acknowledge it but delay it and let it grow?

Or do you see challenges as gifts for your growth?

To be clear, I don’t mean loving your struggles in a masochist way.

I mean having the awareness to see past the obstacle you’re facing and its mask in the moment to the thing on the other side of it.

The lesson that’s there just for you.

Your Lesson Not Mine

Maybe it’s the case that the more you need a lesson, the harder it is to get to—the more resistance there is to get through.

All I know for certain is that where your challenges are, is different than where mine are, and everyone else.

And the lesson you can learn from your challenges now is the one you need most.

So that’s the idea to noodle on.

But it’s not a comfortable thing to think about—because that resistance doesn’t start just when you start acting—you’ll feel it in your thinking too.

Even now.

Just remember what you stand to gain and stay curious about that.

To explain the rest, let’s get our brains dirty and apply this idea to something.

A Quick Exercise to Do Now

Here’s a three-step process for learning to love hard things and identifying what you stand to gain from getting through resistance.

1) Pick something that is hard to do

So let’s get concrete.

Think of something that is difficult for you to do consistently that others don’t struggle with.

This should be easy to think of.

Meditating. Exercising. Being intimate with others.

No wrong answers, just honest ones.

But pick one.

Here’s an example: “Journaling.”

Just have something in mind for the next step.

2) Ask why it is hard

Next, do just that, ask why this habit is hard.

Ask why there is resistance there.

This one isn’t meant to be easy if you know great. If not also great.

For the example of journaling being difficult to do, the reasons can be simple:

hard to find time to do it
too boring
bad handwriting
no interesting thoughts

Or they can be more complex:

don’t want to face emotions
afraid of the truth
don’t want to confront thoughts
don’t want to miss out on the present by writing about it

This step can take a long time.

It’s what many coaching programs subsist on.

There are all sorts of activities you can engage in at this stage.

The ones that don’t work keep you there, stuck on this side of resistance.

The ones that do, help you walk right through it.

The ones that really help, help you enjoy, even love that process.

But before you can do that, you have to…

3) Accept that it’s Hard

This is always the last step.

And the first step to changing your patterns.

As well as getting more out of what you’re doing already, build esteem, and create mastery in something that takes skill to do.

Pretending something that’s difficult to do should be easy is a common way to underestimate what you’re doing.

Lifting weights will always be hard—but it can also be enjoyable.

Meditating and controlling your thoughts will always take some effort—but it can always be enjoyable.

Anything that is difficult to do has rewards built into it, if you can first accept that it is difficult—and deserving of your full focus and attention.

Especially, when you remember and consider what it is you stand to gain on the other side of it.

Imagine What You Stand to Gain

The reason that your resistance is where it is, is because that behavior, or thing you want to do, requires a part of you that you aren’t very connected to.

You’re full of more potential than you think you are.

And you’re capable of more than you allow yourself to be.

Those limits are there for good and bad reasons.

But in putting them there, in deciding who you are, who you are going to be…

You also decided who you aren’t and who you aren’t going to be…

And that may just be the person your dreams need you to be.

The problem in all this is we’re talking about real parts of yourself, that exist, and aren’t going anywhere—that you’re cut off from.

So what you stand to gain in doing hard things is actually a part of yourself.

Hidden potential that needs unearthed.

Parts of Yourself That You Need

And without them, some things are harder.

Everything in your life is the result of what you’ve been able to do—so imagine how different things can be if you got back in touch with those parts of yourself that exist beyond resistance.

And if you become the kind of person who, knowing what’s there for you, enjoyed the process of reconnecting with them.

What’s gotten you here is who you are now, and to get where you’ve never been will require parts of you that you’ve never had easy access to.

So should you avoid opening those doors just because they’re heavy?

Or should you enjoy the process of becoming strong enough to open them?

Put another way…

Would you rather leave that door closed tightly shut?

Or would you rather be strong enough to open it, and accept what you find, for the sake of your ambitious dreams?

All Tools Need Access

The idea here again is that wherever your resistance is there is treasure there for you.

But if you’re not looking there—it doesn’t matter how hard you’re working, you’re not going to open that door.

And when you are looking in the right place, it doesn’t have to be hard.

Likewise, many people will try to make the difficult things they need to do easier in every other way they can.

They’ll buy the best golf clubs. The fastest computer. The sleekest weights. Softest meditation cushion.

They’ll shape their entire house, environment, and reality around doing the hard thing.

But it’s still hard for them to do.

Because that treasure is still there.

That resistance is there that they create.

And they can’t simply buy access, they can only find the courage to open the door.

You don’t need better tools.

You need better access.

It doesn’t matter if you have quantum processing power if you aren’t asking the right questions.

A well-aimed delicate touch from a hammer can shatter stone.

A rusty dart scores a bullseye the same.

It’s not about how good your tools are.

It’s about how good your aim is.

And choosing to do the right difficult things.

Instead of denying them, delaying them, or wishing your challenges were easier.

If tools help you enjoy pursuing your challenges, that’s great.

But remember, they’re your challenges because there’s something there for you that needs your attention.

You think it’s coming from someone else, from somewhere else, from the external world.

But it’s coming from you.

So, learn to love your challenges, because they give you access to the parts of yourself that need that love.

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